Three Sure Fire Romantic Notions that Lead to Sex
These work! Trust me, I’m a Doctor…
· The I Remember When game. At some time during the day, one partner invites the other to a round of I Remember When (This game works best when a couple has spent time on purpose accumulating great memories.
It works like this: Once an agreement has been made to play, set the stage: soft lights, a shower…perhaps together, your favorite background music, clean sheets on the bed, a small dish of honey or perhaps your favorite liqueur, sit cross-legged facing each other on the bed…knees touching, naked or a negligee…on HER, not him! That would be kinky.
One of you begins by dipping your finger in the sweet stuff and brushing a little lightly across the lips of your partner and finishing this sentence…”I remember when…” telling of some meaningful event of your past.
Repeat as necessary until something else comes to mind…
· I Betcha is a game played by a couple we know who bet on everything. They will bet on which bird flies off the wire first, how hot it will be during the day, which one of them will see a red car first, whether or not they have an even amount or an odd amount of change in their pockets/purse.
Winning the bet gets him a BJ and her $100 to go spend anyway she wants. If she wins, he has to accompany her on the shopping spree without grumbling. If he wins, he gets the oral sex as soon as they can stop what they are doing and find a place to safely do so, and they have some very creative stories to tell.
Their testimony is that this game they play has resulted in much more bedroom sex for them both as a result of turning the serious business of sex into a fun game.
· The Three Candles. This is from John Gray’s video Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice you should order. His recommendation for initiating sex. Since it is often difficult to ask for sex and the responses of men and women are so different and often misunderstood, here is a little decision starter.
Provide two large candles in the bedroom and one little candle. The large candles are His and Hers. Whenever one of them is in the mood for sex, he/she lights respective candle. That way the other knows an inquiry is coming. A YES response and your partner will light the other candle. Whoopee! If you are attuned to serving each other that may be all you need to begin preparations for sex.
However, if one partner’s candle has burned a long time without seeing the other one lit, the little candle comes into play. The message is…well, if I can’t have the big thing, as John Gray says you may not get a kiss, but maybe you can get a hand. Or you may have to quickly bet on something!
Different Kinds of Sex and why they are all OK
· Quick, lie down, I think I love you. Sometimes one of you will just be horny as a Billy goat with two peckers and just want to get it on and get ‘er done…wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am. This one is all about ME. Usually this is the man in the relationship. Wise women say, bring it on, big boy, let’s see what you got. Wise men don’t make this the primary kind of sex and are very appreciative when it is done.
· Invitation for a gift giving experience. A little less primal is the polite invitation. Honey, I’d really like to make love to you as close to right now as possible. I’m going to jump in the shower and will appreciate your cooperation and welcome your participation. Would you do that for me? This is still about ME, but considerate of YOU and opens the door for the gift of a caring behavior.
· Courtly sex. Call this calculated or pre-meditated sex. It begins by engaging the largest of the sex organs in advance…that would be the one between your ears. This takes time. It begins with hugs and compliments and reminders of how important your partner is to you…perhaps beginning early in the morning. It may continue with a wistful reminiscence of a recent time when you made love and how wonderful that was. It moves ahead with calls, texts, IMs, emails suggesting how much fun it would be to recreate one of those magic moments tonight. An offer follows in midafternoon for dinner or a favorite bubbly refreshment and chocolate covered strawberries at the end of the day. If there are children, make arrangements for them to be babysat somewhere else besides home for a few hours or if they are old enough to care for themselves for a while, engage that most creative mechanical sexual device ever invented…the lock on the bedroom door. Tell the kids that unless they are bleeding or have a broken bone, NO INTERRUPTIONS. Suggestions may fly about for bubble baths, candles, fresh strawberries or frozen grapes, and maybe even rubber sheets and Mazola for the most adventurous among you.
You get the picture?
How to change NO and I’m not in the mood and I have a headache into a win-win for everybody
The world is full of the Not Tonight, Honey, I’ve Got a Headache stories. The place we’d love for you to get to is don’t say NO, just say YES later…
When asked if they would like to make love or have sex, women may respond, I don’t know if I’m ready or not. Men tend take that as rejection, when it may not be, they just may not know. Catch John Gray’s illustration of what’s in a woman’s purse to fully appreciate this. (I told you…GET the video). It may just mean that they need to process it a bit first and it is not a rejection that will elicit a pout and stomp off to bed mad. Just be patient and let her have some time to think about it and all the other 10,000 things that are on her mind first.
If you have a bookmark, put it here and then go to
. Mark Gungor will give you a smile about the difference in the way men’s and women’s minds work.You gotta learn how to ask for what you want…You need to develop a relationship that enables you to have a reasonable expectation that you will get what you ask for…You need to focus on gift giving and serving your partner. That’s it in a nutshell.
Unrealistic expectations occur when women say romance is when a man knows what I want even when I don’t know myself and does it anyway…I’m really bad at this, by the way. I can’t even find sox in a drawer, much less read TGR’s mind.
What I’d like for TGR to do is give up trying to get me to be the one who can satisfy her every need to be appreciated. I can’t fully understand her…no matter how hard I try. She needs women for that, because they appreciate her so much better and more frequently than I can. I’ve learned to like the fact that she has a gaggle of girlfriends (OK, so geese come in gaggles…I’m not sure what a collection of women friends is called).
I think it is impossible for men to fully give appreciation to women they need. “Men don’t appreciate us” is a common complaint. Women need to be appreciated for who they are and not just for what they do.
To expect a man to fully appreciate a woman…probably ain’t gonna happen.
The best I can do is work at it. For example, when we have a DATE …I need to focus on making it HER night. I need to consciously and deliberately attend to her needs (attention = oxytocin) and that has some enlightened selfishness, because her candle might get lit. So, I open doors, stand when she comes in the room, walk on the street side to keep the horses and wagons from splashing mud on her, and look at her when she is talking. She may ask would you like to go to the art gallery or an artsy-fartsy movie or a concert...and I need to learn to say YES as often as I can and be like Mr. Potato Head and put my happy eyes and mouth on and GO.
When I do that, I’m a lot more apt to get lucky when we get home since I’m doing one of those things that helps her release the oxytocin that she needs to be ready to experience sex. Yes, I just love that abstract that looks like a four-year-old poured color on the floor and then walked in it…has depth and power, don’t you think? Making points, baby, making points.
A little aside here. While I know it is an involuntary response, it aggravates me when TGR makes THE SOUND when I’m driving. You guys who are reading this know THE SOUND. Something scares her and suddenly I’m about to wet my pants trying to look in all directions to see what it is that I have done that has scared her or who is about to hit us. Perhaps the best way to increase oxytocin in TGR, according to John Gray, is when I’m driving her somewhere. My greatest opportunity to help my bride feel relaxed and dependent on me? You got it, Toyota, it’s when I am driving her in the car. When I do it in a manner that makes her feel safe and secure, considered and cared for, I am doing the best thing I can for her build up of oxytocin.
Barb’s most frequent complaint (besides when she makes THE SOUND) is that I’m a jerky driver…whatever that means. If I do something to be more careful about that, I acknowledge it. How’s my driving? I made that stop just for you. Do you need a potty stop? Do you have your seat belt on? Please tell me when I seem to be being a jerky driver, sweetheart.
Get the John Gray video since you didn’t order it already…this is just an appeteaser, and no it’s not a misspelled word.
The following graphic is self-explanatory. Study closely...there will be a test.
