Periodically we need to remind you of the two absolutely imperative skills and commitments you need to make your relationship or marriage successful.
A quick step back first. The one immutable truth our society never teaches couples is this: The new always wears off...always, no exceptions.
All the hype of romantic love and courtship begins to dwindle shortly after commitment is made to permanency in relationships. What started out with both partners on their best behavior in hopes of landing the catch, fades as dishes pile up, the trash needs to be taken out, dirty socks and underwear don't get speedily delivered to the laundry basket, and scores of other little things which inevitably fade as relationships mature.
This is why so many couples quit, thinking the romantic fallacy will return if they just pick a different partner. Invariably, and unless these two bookends are learned and practiced religiously, failure will ensue.
Here they are:
Learn how to listen effectively to each other with curiosity. Learn how to listen without judgment and speak without criticism to one another. Learn how to care how your partner feels and exhibit legitimate empathy and care.
Find out what blesses your partner and do it often and do it well. As quickly as you can in your relationship, get rid of the "What's in it for me?' disaster, and replace it with "How can I serve you best?"
That's it...there are nuances to be learned and practice, but at the irreducible minimum, learn how to listen and then develop a servant's heart.
Don't knock it til you've tried it. We've been at nearly 40 years and wish we'd learned how to do this earlier. Start today...holler for help if you to. It works for us...better every day.
