Once your wedding is over, the soon dark underbelly of BEING married and not just GETTING married sets in.
BIG POINT--pay attention. The NEW always wears off in marriage...always, no exceptions. The wear and tear of managing a new home, work, children, successive sinksful of dirty dishes, and dirty diapers all take their toll. What can you do? Glad you asked:
The only way you keep romance and fun alive is to DO IT ON PURPOSE. Here's a nibble of suggestions to help.
In addition to a weekly on purpose date, Once a Month a Sleep Over…somewhere else. One of the most neglected things marrieds-with-children tends to do is stop when they get the date thingy down pat.
I talked about the value and some how-tos but I didn’t talk about the dark side of dating as parents. Things like:
· Finding a baby sitter
· How long can you be gone
· What time does the baby sitter have to be home
· How much does it cost for baby sitting
· Always worrying about how the kids are doing
You know the drill.
Our recommendation is that once a month, you make provisions with in-laws, outlaws, kids’ friends’ parents (on a swap out basis) or a trusted baby sitter to take care of your kids for an entire evening.
Put some planning into it…maybe you’ll find something that can segue into an overnight and into the day the following day for a once-a-month getaway.
Can you feel the crisp clean sheets and the soft terry cloth robe and the hotel spa and room service and sleep as late as you want and make as much noise having sex as you want…do I have to do all this for you???
This is great for you and good for your kids when they understand the quality of your relationship. Tell them what you are doing and why…well, maybe not EVERYTHING you are doing.
Then work up to Long Weekends at Least Quarterly
Are you joking? That’s the usual response when we teach couples that this should be a consistent part of their romancing, memory making, and tradition building protocol.
We’ve heard all the excuses:
· We can’t afford it
· Who would keep the kids all weekend
· We don’t leave our kids alone
· We wouldn’t know what to do
The advice stands, and as of this reading if this is the first time you have heard this, filter this against whatever you paid for the rest of this book and recognize that this didn’t cost you much. It must be worth at least what you paid for it.
Here are just a couple of reasons why this is not only a good idea, it’s a great idea.
· From the time your children are born they are in the process of unhooking from you to become adults on their own.
· Small carefully controlled and protected experiments in living without you for a short period of time help prepare them for a time when they will leave. (Of course, these times must be age appropriate. Would not want a breast-feeding baby to be left alone for a 3 day weekend, as an obvious example.)
· You need a chance to recharge your batteries by focusing your attention on each other and on yourself.
· Your ability to be a better spouse and parent will be enhanced by planning, looking forward to and ultimately taking that long weekend.
· Try it once and see if I’m telling you the God’s honest truth.
Finally, the best gift The Gorgeous Redhead and I have ever...ever given ourselves. A BIG Romantic Do-hickey for TGR and me is Wedding Anniversary planning
Honeymoons are not just for Newly Weds
Barb and I were married on April 23, 1988 in the chapel at Park Cities Baptist Church, Dallas. My dad, Bates Ivey (60+ years in ministry and 70+ years married to my mom) and my best man-friend, Stan Craig officiated.
TGR got her first taste of wedding planning that year and in her usual first-rate fashion put on quite a show. Lots of great memories from that day. Even my 100-year-old grandmother came from Amarillo and surprised us.
I sang a great song to my bride Only God Could Love You More Than I Do and as we were doing the recessional, Barb said, let’s skip and so we skipped down the aisle together.
We were poor as church mice in those days. Barb had a good job and I was just doing some part time consulting and some church work. There wasn’t much in the way of extra money for things like honeymoon.
We stayed that first night in the home of a good friend who conveniently found someplace else to hunker down for the evening, and the next day caught a plane for Sacramento, CA.
Barb took it on herself to plan the honeymoon because she had some connections to make it happen and the resources to do it. It was that first year that she suggested we should take turns planning our anniversaries.
That really didn’t sink in immediately as we got the car in Sacramento that a friend had left for us to use for the week and drove inland to the little town of Auburn, CA where we stayed at a friend’s home in their absence.
During the daytime we toured the foothill wineries in Amador County, went to historic sites like Sutter’s Mill (didn’t find any gold, though) and drove over the Sierras to Incline Village in Nevada for a day. Still snow on the mountains then.
We ate well, watched old movies and removed any doubt about functionality of all parts of our bodies. Some really nice memories.
That’s how it all started, and since then, we have taken turns planning anniversaries. It has become a delightful tradition for us. It gives us lots to look forward to and it’s just plain fun to see if we can outdo the other next time.
I share with you this idea in hopes that some of the stuff will rub off on you 1) to start a tradition like ours and 2) to perhaps do some of the same fun stuff we have done. It you get some other wonderful ideas, please share them with us. We have lots more anniversaries we need to plan before we are through.
Little things make the great memories of tomorrow when you sit down to play "I remember when..."
Try these and let us know what difference they make for You.
