Mindset Matters
Marriage Coaching can be just another checkbox, albeit one frequently overlooked in the whirl and frenzy of wedding planning. It is frequently pushed aside or minimized in planning to GET married, while ignoring what is needed to BE married. Zig Ziglar used to say you need a check up from the neck up to avoid stinkin’ thinkin’ and it’s never truer than when you are to be married. It just takes the right mindset to deliver so much more you can prepare for without having to learn all the lessons of Getting Marriage Right the hard way.
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You wake to the buzz of your alarm clock. You stub your toe trying to peek out the window, where you find rain pouring from a dark, gloomy sky. You’ve got a long to-do list for the day. Do you shift into grump-mode, already deciding the day is going to go poorly before it’s even begun? Or do you feel thankful for a break in the dry spell and ready to have a productive day despite the weather? You may not realize it, but your mindset truly does matter. And the same idea applies to marriage coaching before you do the I Dos.
It starts with the willingness to go learn from experts what is it to be married well and long. Going into it with your head and heart tuned to the right frequency can be the difference between wasting your time on another pre-wedding task – and having a meaningful experience that sticks with you.
Checkbox Mindset vs. Growth Mindset
Frequently couples view marriage education and coaching as just another box to check leading up to the big day. They go through the motions, but their minds are elsewhere, focused on guest lists, catering menus, and other wedding planning details. When they leave each coaching session, everything they talked about is quickly forgotten – CHECK...on to the next task.
Contrast this with a growth mindset, in which you go into the process with a willingness and desire to get the most out of the experience. You have an open mind and see this as an opportunity to learn and grow as a couple. This mentality is what leads to a premarital experience that makes a lasting impact, helping your marriage in the long run.
The Right Attitude
Just as your attitude can pre-determine what kind of day you have, it can also shape your expectations and perception of your coaching experience. If you’re going into it with a negative attitude and the assumption that you’ll be judged or criticized, you’re likely to be more defensive and unwilling to share authentically. We can do very little with unwilling spirits. You might take everything your facilitator/coach says as a jab, or maybe you don’t take it seriously at all. Chances are you’ll also keep things at surface level instead engaging in the honest vulnerability that often leads to growth. Remember, in relationships, conflict is growth trying to happen.
On the other hand, when you adopt an attitude of optimism and curiosity, you prime yourselves to truly learn and grow from the experience. You’ll be more open and honest, allowing insights to truly resonate as you reflect and process what you learn alongside your partner.
Reframe Your Thinking
If you’re having trouble getting in the right frame of mind when it comes to marriage education and coaching, try shifting your perspective. Instead of viewing it as one of the last big tasks to get through before your wedding, consider it one of the first steps in your marriage. You want to start your marriage off on the right foot with a strong foundation, right? Marriage Education and Coaching is your chance to do that, helping you learn and reinforce the skills that lend to a lifelong, resilient marriage. This resilience is crucial in successfully navigating the adversity you’ll encounter throughout your life together. So while learning how to get marriage right may seem like another hoop to jump through before your wedding, you have the choice to see it differently – and make it so much more.
At the end of the day, marriage education and coaching is a classic example of “you get out of it what you put in.” Can you choose to see it as just another pre-wedding checkbox? Sure. But it doesn’t have to be this way. With the right mindset, you can make it a purposeful and highly beneficial experience that sets a positive precedent for investing in your marriage.
BTW, just in case you are interested, to our knowledge, no couple who has spent a marriage preparation or regeneration weekend with us AND then have gone home to practice the skills we teach consistently for 12 consecutive months has ever lost their marriage. Come give it a try and send others you know who need us. Hppts://www,24kgoldmarriage.org
Sometimes it is about the nail...
