Back in the day when I taught in college, a poem stuck with me. And it seems appropriate for what I am sharing today...
There once was a teacher, whose principal feature was hidden in quite an odd way. Students by millions or possibly zillions surrounded him all of the day.
When finally seen by his credulous Dean and asked how he managed this deed... he lifted three fingers and said all you swingers need only to follow my lead:
To rise from a zero to big campus hero, to answer these questions you'll strive: Where are you going? How will you get there? And how will you know you have arrived?
There is something to that in your marriage or relationship.
Question 1: Where Are You Going?
What is your plan for growing old together?
Are you being intentional about how to redeem each and every day? Or are you just letting life leak out, one day at a time?
Most couples never sit down and ask this question. They drift into retirement, into parenthood, into empty nesting, into illness, into loss. Without ever agreeing on what they're walking toward.
Drifting Couples. Intentional Couples
Day-to-day survival. Vision-driven decisions
Reacting to crises. Planning for milestones
No shared goals. Written-down aspirations
Growing old together isn't accidental. It's chosen. Daily.
Question 2: How Will You Get There?
What are your aspirations? Do you have them written down? What is your plan for life and living?
A goal without a plan is just a wish. That applies to finances, to family, to faith, to fitness, to forgiveness.
Area Plan Needed.
Finances. Budget, savings, debt reduction
Family. Weekly rhythms, traditions, rituals
Faith Daily devotions, worship, service
Health Exercise, nutrition, medical checkups
Conflict Boundaries, forgiveness protocols, communication rules
Write it down. Not somewhere nobody reads. Put it in a notebook. On a wall. In a place you'll see it when motivation fades.
Question 3: How Will You Know You've Arrived?
Are you celebrating milestones and making memories along the way?
Life isn't just about reaching the destination. It's about the journey. It's about the detours. It's about the people who walked beside you when the road got steep.
Check-InFrequency
Question to AskWeekly Every Sunday evening"Did we enjoy each other this week?"
Monthly. First day of month"Are we on track financially?"
Quarterly. Every 3 months"Are we drifting or progressing?"
Annually. Anniversary"What milestone did we reach?"
Celebrate. Mark the wins. Make memories. Take pictures. Write letters. Keep journals. When the hard days come, you'll need proof that the good days existed.
Three More Things to Consider
Element Why It Matters
Midcourse CorrectionsWhat happens when you get off track? Who notices first?
Accountability PartnersWho will keep you honest when you don't want to be?
Shared MissionWhat are you building together beyond just "staying married"?
You can't navigate a ship without a compass. You can't build a house without blueprints. You can't grow old together without a map.
A Thought for the Week
I didn't write anything about romance, sex, or emotional connection in this piece. Those matter, yes. But vision matters more. Romance fades. Intimacy fluctuates. Commitment sustains. And commitment needs direction.
This is the foundation all our friends and couples we have coached need before they tackle the "sticky sweet" phase. If they know where they're going, how to get there, and when they've arrived—they'll survive every storm between here and Home.
Discussion Questions
Have you and your spouse ever written down a plan for growing old together?
What milestone are you celebrating this year?
Who are your accountability partners when life gets hard?
What is one thing you need to write down this week to stay on track?
One Practical Assignment
Pick a quiet evening this week. Sit with your spouse. Grab a notebook. Answer these three questions together:
Where are you going? (5 years from now. 10 years. Retirement.)
How will you get there? (Daily habits. Shared practices. Financial plan.)
How will you know you've arrived? (Milestones. Celebrations. Signposts.)
Then put that notebook somewhere visible. Revisit it every quarter. Adjust when necessary. Don't let it gather dust.
That's what a teacher does. That's what a pilgrim does. That's what a husband and wife do when they're determined to finish well.
