What do you do for fun?
By Dick Ivey ·
In the beginning everything we did together was fun...then longevity and circumstances changed. I liked to play golf, she could care less. My bride liked to gather with girlfriends over lunches and chat. I liked to go fishing. My bride'd rather meet to play mah jong with the girls.
So, the question is, what do you do together for fun.
Let's do a little exercise. Tuck your elbows in close to your sides and extend your hands straight out in front of you. Make fists. Now then, slowly move your fists together and then back apart. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Now you have a visual image of what intimacy is all about. If your fists are always together, one of you is unnecessary, and if they are always apart, there is nothing to tie you together.
Intimacy is when you come together for some things you both enjoy and other times when you do things you enjoy apart on your own.
Quality marriages need both for real intimacy to occur...paying attention to a proper balance of things you both and each like to do.
Here's our personal AHA moment to illustrate this dichotomy.
Once upon a time, I was an ardent fast pitch softball pitcher (back when men still played the game) and I played in a league a couple nights a week and tournaments many weekends.
when we first were dating and early in our marriage, The Gorgeous Redhead showed up for league games and often went with me to tournaments.
After our I DOs, a day came when my Sweetheart told me she did not want to go to San Antonio for a weekend tournament. I went anyway...fretting the whole way that I probably needed to hang up my spikes and retire my faithful kangaroo hide glove I'd played with for about 25 years. On the way home from the tourney, I composed my speech...
I got home before my bride did that evening and I sat own on the 4th stair in our home and waited for her to get home. When she came in I told her I'd decided I liked being with her so much I was prepared to give up playing ball and would not go to any more tournaments. Just like I'd rehearsed it.
Her response was, O, LORD, NO...I don't want you to quit playing ball, I just don't want you to ask or expect me to go every weekend. I really enjoy sleeping in, a leisurely book to read, breakfast whenever I want...
Really!!?? I asked. She said absolutely.
Well, then I replied, does that mean when you want to visit with ome of your old friends with whom I have nothing in common, I don't have to go with you??
Absolutely, again she said.
That was when we proved the point of the 'fists' exercise. Intimacy was doing some things we like to do separately and then coming together to do things we like to do together. A balance...not an extreme.
So, I ask you again, what do you like to do for fun? Early on we agreed we'd leave the offices early Friday and make the last matinee movie of the day and then sit across from each other and have a meal together. We decided we liked taking turns planning and executing out wedding anniversary celebrations. We like sitting on our back screened porch at the end of the day and unwinding as the sun completes it's journey for the day.
So get creative. Make sure there is an ebb and flow of things you do together and things you do apart for fun. Try it, you'll like it.
O, and by the way, I played ball another 10 years :)