My bride, The Gorgeous Redhead, and I recently decided to take the advice we give couples who just to want to make their relationships better. I told you a bit about this a couple weeks ago.
You have heard us say moving from “What’s In It For Me?” to “How Can I Serve You Best?”…is not a linear path. It must be undertaken intentionally and on purpose.
For years now we have been serving each other in lots of little ways, but when we rolled out this next exercise for couples I told you about, we decided to do have it a go once again. (After all, we often brag about ‘eating our own dog food‘, or as Barb says much more politely, ‘we teach what we need to learn the most’.
The exercise starts with the creation of two lists with at least 10 items on each list (We do furnish ‘cheat sheets’ once couples have finished their own writing.) Refer back to two weeks ago if your memory flags.
List #1 – The loving and caring behaviors I’m willing to do to say “I LOVE You!” They must be specific DOING things which can readily be seen/heard/felt/tasted…(They cannot be things you will STOP doing, but must be active random acts of kindness)
List #2 – The loving and caring behaviors you would like to receive from your partner, that when receiving them you will feel love.
At least 10 items on each of your lists. Once completed, exchange lists. You get what you are willing to do and what your partner wants from you. Cut the numbered items in strips and fold them and put them in a special jar or coffee cup.
As you begin each day, pull one of the Random Acts of Kindness slips from your jar/cup and give your spouse what you read on the slip. [As a caveat, if you don’t feel like doing the one you picked first, put it back and get another. The rule is, each of you gets a random act of kindness every day.
We hope these will begin creating habits of doing what blesses your spouse. It’s fun and we are having a ball doing it all over again after 35 years. Try it, you will like it.
BTW, if your spouse does not recognize your Random Act it is perfectly all right to announce “Incoming…Random Act of Kindness.”
What we hope is when you receive a RAK, you will be effusively grateful for it…out loud. It’s the right thing to do and it will provide incentive for your Sweetie Sweetie to do more in the days ahead.
It’s invigorating to this marriage, and I suspect it will to yours, also. Today, I drew vacuum the house without having to be asked. I did it.
