I have never known a new relationship where both parties were like calves looking at a new gate. (I’m not even sure I know what that means, but most new couples and newly weds either have similar agreements or…and I’m certain about this:)
Each party has pretty good idea of how the relationship is going to unfold. We call those expectations, and as our friend and author of Love and Respect, Emerson Eggrichs says, Expectations are nothing more than premeditated resentments. When those start being expressed openly…usually with some hostility they may sound like this:
What do you mean you don’t want to go ‘home’ to see my parents for Christmas?
What do you mean you want to sleep on the right side of the bed?
What do you mean you want me to help with the housework?
What do you mean I can’t spend my money the way I want to?
…and it just goes on over issues which more relationships do not explore and settle before they are finalized.
Be not dismayed, my friends. You are as natural as can be.
I am also certain you did not get a manual when you began your relationship entitled: How to deal with unrealistic expectations with your partner.
Here’s a great tip you ought to pursue. Every couple has some things they do well and others where they do not have agreements and those create great tensions.
There are at least two resources I recommend for you.
- There is a great inventory called PREPARE/ENRICH which will give you helpful insights into not only where you are stuck, but also how to begin the healing process of compromise. It is administered by trained facilitators. It is part of what Barb and I do as 24kGoldMarriage.org. This inventory costs us $35 and you can pay for it online (It’s what it costs us). Several million people have taken this inventory and we have found it to be the best diagnostic tool for relationships available.
- Come spend a weekend with us and let us show you how to get on the same page in the book with all your expectations.
Check out our website https://www.24kgoldmarriage.org of just drop me a line at dick@dickivey.com
Half the battle is just showing up. We’ll help you with the rest.
