Don’t you just love alliteration? Sticking to the alphabet, here is P-Z. If you really want a better relationship start anywhere in the alphabet over the past few weeks and sic’ em!!
P
Parenting: Having kids changes and tests your relationship in ways nothing else does. While there can sometimes be a lot of focus on the negatives, most parents will agree that the rewards of having children far outweigh the pitfalls. In fact, when you learn to support each other in parenting and work as a team, it can actually strengthen your relationship and bring you closer. Read more about that here.
Personality: Your unique personalities are a big part of what makes your marriage one-of-a-kind. It’s what initially drew you to each other, and ironically, can be the thing that annoys you the most about each other, too. The key is to stop trying to change each other, and instead learn to appreciate and leverage your differences (and similarities, too.) Feel like you’re opposites in many ways? Here are some tips especially for you.
Premarital counseling: You put so much effort and preparation into the wedding – your actual marriage deserves all of that and much more. Premarital counseling is one of the best ways to start your marriage on the right foot. The key is understanding that you’ll ultimately get out of it what you put into it. Read more about getting the most out of it here.
Q
Quality time: Spending quality time with your spouse is a vital ingredient for a lifelong marriage. It helps you stay connected and provides a sense of balance. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to squeeze it in amidst the daily hustle. Not to worry – this guide covers it all, from why it’s so important to tips for prioritizing and making the most of it.
R
Resilience: Resilience is what separates enduring marriages from the ones that fall apart. It’s what helps you bounce back from the challenges and adversity that life throws your way. So what lends to a resilient relationship? Having healthy levels of connection and flexibility are two major factors, as it gives you the ability to flex and adapt to stressors while also being able to lean on each other. You can read more about flexibility in Part 1 of this series, and read more about the different ways you support each other here.
Rituals: Research has shown that rituals, even seemingly small ones like a goodbye kiss, have an overwhelmingly positive effect on marriage. They create and nurture connection, shared meaning, and a sense of stability in your bond. Here are 6 types of rituals to maintain in your marriage.
Roles: It may or may not come as a surprise, but household roles are a common source of conflict in marriage. It’s something that couples may need to discuss and check in about on an ongoing basis. Not only do circumstances, preferences, and abilities change over time, but other factors can also make this area much more complicated that simply dividing up chores. Find out why here, and read about three common role challenges and how to solve them here.
S
Self-awareness: Self-awareness is not only necessary for personal growth and wellbeing, it also helps you be better in how you relate to others, including your spouse. Understanding your key personality traits, triggers and insecurities, and how you deal with conflict is going to be a big help in your marriage. Read more about that here, and get some tips for increasing your self-awareness here.
Stress: Stress is tough to avoid, whether it’s your job, family, a crisis, or even your spouse that is the source. Learning to manage stress in a healthy and productive way is paramount to stopping it from getting the best of you, which will ultimately have a negative impact on your wellbeing – and your marriage. If you or your spouse is a worrier, check out these tips. If being super busy is causing stress in your marriage, you’ll want to prioritize these things. And if you’re in the midst of planning your wedding, then this is a must-read.
T
Teammates: One of the best things about marriage is you are essentially getting a teammate with whom to take on life. Of course, this team mentality can often get lost when you’re working through a conflict or going through a tough season of marriage. Read about how to be better teammates here.
U
Unique: Your marriage is one-of-a-kind. Learning to embrace the unique dynamics of your relationship will help you leverage your strengths and keep growing as a couple. Here’s how to start.
V
Validation: It’s usually not the first thing that comes to mind when we think of the crucial components of a healthy relationship, but hear us out. Validating your spouse means making them feel heard, understood, and that their thoughts and feelings are valued. Without this, it’s hard to establish trust and intimacy, both of which are a necessary in a strong marriage. Want to make sure you’re validating your spouse? Read more here.
W
We vs. I: A healthy relationship requires a balance of togetherness and separateness. Closeness is important, but so is maintaining your own sense of identity and independence. Strive for balance, but know that it’s normal for your level of connection to ebb and flow as you go through different seasons of life.
X
X-factor: Are some couples just blessed when it comes to their relationship? It might seem like marriage is effortless for them, but the reality is, this “X-factor” is much more than just being lucky in love. Read more about why not having to put in the marriage “work” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
Y
Years: Whether you’re nearing your first anniversary or are a couple decades in, another year of marriage is something worth celebrating. Take it as an opportunity to be proud of what you’ve navigated together. Consider asking each other these questions on every anniversary to help you reflect on the past year and look ahead to the future. Or start one of these fun traditions!
Z
Zoom out: The ability to zoom out and see the bigger picture can be helpful throughout a variety of situations in marriage. For example, it’s a great way to shift your perspective when you find yourself being critical of your spouse or when you’re struggling to agree on something. It can also help you shift into a mindset of gratitude.
So there you have it – your must-know relationship basics from A-Z. It might feel like a lot to remember; how can you possibly work on all of these things at once? Don’t worry – you are probably already doing many of these things well and without second thought. The key to remember is that marriage is always a work in progress. Revisiting these skills and concepts continuously is what it’s all about.
