Our friends at Prepare/Enrich offer these great suggestions for adding spontaneity to your marriage.
Do you and your spouse like to fly by the seat of your pants, or do you like to plan things out and know what’s going to happen? Or maybe you’re a combination of both. Wherever you fall, the realities of day-to-day life often favor planning ahead. While it might not seem like the most practical way to live all the time, spontaneity can have a positive effect on your marriage. It fosters a sense of playfulness, strengthens your bond, builds flexibility, and combats complacency. If you’re looking for some realistic ways to add more spontaneity to your marriage, keep reading.
1. Embrace “planned” spontaneity.
This sounds like an oxymoron, but hear us out. Sometimes it’s simply not realistic to figure out things out as you go, particularly if you have children or other non-negotiable responsibilities. Typically, arranging a sitter requires some degree of planning ahead. But you can still be spontaneous about some aspects of your outing. For example, you can plan to go on a date, but you can be spontaneous about what you do or where you go. The key is to not waste too much time trying to decide. If you tend to be indecisive, have a quick decision-making method on deck – flip a coin, roll some dice, etc. Then see where things go from there!
2. Try something new together.
You could consider this another version of planned spontaneity. Again, you can plan the activity ahead of time, but because it’s a new experience for you both, you won’t know what to expect! Your reactions will be spontaneous, and you’ll connect through a shared sense of not knowing what’s coming. Whether you both love or hate whatever you’re trying out, the novelty of it makes it a great bonding opportunity.
3. Say yes when you’d normally say no.
Have you ever done something you weren’t super excited about, and ended up having a great time? It’s a pretty common phenomenon. Keep this in mind the next time an opportunity to do something potentially fun with your spouse arises. You don’t have to say yes to everything, of course, but every now and then opt in when you’d usually decline. Maybe a friend offers you last-minute tickets to a concert they can no longer attend, or your spouse suggests taking the afternoon off and heading to the lake since the weather is perfect. They’re not things you can reasonably do all the time, but on occasion can be a great way to go with the flow.
4. Surprise each other.
By definition, surprising each other usually involves presenting something unexpected, whether that is bringing your spouse lunch on a random Tuesday or giving them a heartfelt compliment out of the blue. You can also keep each other on your toes by stepping outside your own box from time to time. Pick a movie you’d normally never pick, or send your spouse a funny video they wouldn’t expect from you. Surprising each other sparks curiosity and interest and helps keep the spark alive.
Being spontaneous 24/7 isn’t practical or feasible, but that doesn’t mean you should stick solely to the same old routines day in and day out. In fact, being selectively spontaneous can help you maintain a sense of energy and fun in your marriage, which will ultimately boost your connection and strengthen your relationship.
