Our friends at PREPARE/ENRICH offer these helpful suggestions.
Whether it’s cringing through an incredibly awkward social interaction or having to face one of your biggest fears, people usually don’t like to sit in those feelings for too long or seek them out too often. Of course, everyone is different. People have varying thresholds and tendencies when it comes to taking risks or going outside their comfort zone. But never doing so means you could be missing out on personal growth, instead settling for complacency or stagnation. This not only applies to you individually, but in your marriage as well. Here are three times getting uncomfortable in your relationship is worth it.
1. Owning up to a mistake
We’re human. We’re going to mess up, and most of the time, it’s okay. It becomes not okay when you never take responsibility for what you did (or didn’t) do. Maybe you got defensive and said some regrettable things during an argument, or you undermined your spouse’s parenting in front of the kids. Perhaps you totally forgot your anniversary or went way over this month’s budget. Whatever the case, it can be tempting to just pretend it didn’t happen and hope it blows over, or make excuses as to why it did. While it’s easier to avoid the awkward or uncomfortable conversation in the short-term, this will eat away at your relationship over time. It’s hard to swallow pride and apologize, but when you do you’re ultimately choosing what’s best for your marriage in the long-run…Great words of wisdom: “I was wrong, I am sorry, Please forgive me.”
2. Addressing a tough issue
If you’re like most couples, you probably have that one topic – the one that you avoid because it always causes a fight. Or the one neither of you really want to bring up because it makes you feel self-conscious, tense, or brings up other unpleasant emotions. You can continue to pretend it’s not there, but you feel it hanging over you – the elephant in the room. It’s understandable to want to keep the peace and sidestep the tough conversations, but avoiding the issue has a way of coming back to bite you later – whether it’s in the form of resentment, decreased connection, or feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. Instead, embrace the discomfort. Acknowledge that this is an uncomfortable topic for you both, but that facing it head on is going to help you feel closer and grow together as a couple. You’ll also set a positive example for your future selves when another issue arises. Please learn and use the tools of Safe Conversations.
3. Getting vulnerable
Maybe you are an emotional person, or perhaps you keep your feelings hidden. Either way, being vulnerable means letting your spouse in to see the parts of yourself you probably don’t show other people – your fears, insecurities, and weaknesses – and that can be hard for anyone. Work on making it easier for each other by creating a sense of emotional safety, free of judgment and criticism. Letting your guard down can be scary, but it’ll help you feel more connected than ever. Plus, when you’re able to be vulnerable with each other you’ll find that your overall communication and conflict resolution improve as well.
Sure, being uncomfortable has some negative connotations, but it can also mean you’re on the cusp of something positive – like growing as an individual or as a couple. It means you’re not getting complacent or settling for the status quo. Instead, you’re pushing yourself beyond what is easiest or most comfortable in the moment, so that your marriage can benefit in the long run.
