Kids are heading back to school and most parents shout Hallelujah! They are building a foundation of the skills and knowledge that will carry them through life. Often at the start of the year and at certain points throughout, teachers will dedicate time to reviewing what’s already been covered. The purpose, of course, is to make sure students have the fundamentals down pat or that they’re retaining information before moving on to something new. When it comes to your marriage, do you need a review? Child-centric marriages suddenly are without children to focus on and all too often they find they are ill prepared to be in relationship with each other. We see it all the time.
Sometimes there is no substitute for getting back to basics – those fundamental things that make all the difference in the quality of your relationship. As you go about your daily lives, it is too easy to lose sight of these things and fall into bad habits. Over time, you will feel the effect – things are just half a bubble off between you all or it feels like you’re in a rut. Not to worry! Help is on the way. We’ve rounded up all the basics in one place, organized from A-Z. Here’s a start, and at 24kGold Marriage, we teach these basic skills all the time. Frequently we are amazed that no one has taught them to couples before. Find places where you all are ill equipped and give us a call…
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Appreciation: Showing each other appreciation on a regular basis helps you both feel loved and cherished in your marriage. Focusing on what you appreciate about your spouse’s personality can help shift your perspective when you’re feeling annoyed with each other. Appreciation is also closely tied to gratitude, which can help decrease conflict and be better partners to each other.
Assertiveness and active listening: These are the key components of good communication and the foundation on which many other relationship skills are built. Without them, resolving conflict becomes very difficult and resentment has a tendency to grow. Learn more about why these basic skills are so important here, then gain tips for improving at each one here and here.
Assessment: Taking a relationship assessment might seem intimidating, but it shouldn’t be! It’s actually a great way to gain insight, learn about yourselves and each other, and grow as a couple. Even if you already took one when you were engaged, there are many big benefits to making it a regular thing.
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Balance: A sense of balance is important in all areas of your life, including within your individual self and in your marriage. Without it, you can feel burnt out, out of sync, or like things are just not flowing as smoothly as they could. Check out these five key areas to strive for balance in your life.
Boundaries: Boundaries are protective barriers that we establish to protect our marriage from external factors that have the potential to disrupt or damage the equilibrium of your relationship. These three types of boundaries touch on many areas of your life and are essential to maintaining that healthy sense of balance mentioned previously. Want to know more about family boundaries in particular? They deserved their own post!
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Check-ins: A relationship check-in is a designated time for you and your partner to touch base on the status of your relationship. You might talk about what’s working or not working, how satisfied you both are in various areas of your relationship, express gratitude and appreciation, air grievances, or even just talk about your day. All couples can benefit from a regular check-in, but here are five signs to consider initiating one.
Communication: It all comes down to communication. So many things feed into the quality of communication in your marriage, and that means there are many things that can derail it, too. While no one is perfect at it all of the time, being willing and intentional about working on it throughout your marriage will benefit your relationship greatly. Here are our five top tips for mastering communication with your spouse.
Conflict: Conflict is inevitable in marriage; what matters most is how you handle that conflict. Conflict is really growth trying to halppen. There are many factors that affect how well you and your spouse manage your disagreements. Aside from always working on your communication, making these mindset shifts can make a huge difference in how you navigate your next fight. If you have an issue that you can’t seem to agree on, check out this post. And if compromise is necessary, you’ll want to check out these essential tips.
Connection: Having a strong emotional connection to each other is a vital part of an enduring marriage. Without it, you’re basically just roommates going through the motions. That said, it takes effort and intention to maintain this bond throughout the ups and downs and daily grind of life. The good news is it doesn’t take hours every day to achieve. Here are some hidden opportunities, daily moments, and quick ways to boost your connection.
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Date night: Continuing to date your spouse might seem optional, but we think it’s a must. It helps you nurture your connection and friendship, which ultimately keeps your marriage strong. The reality is, though, that prioritizing date nights consistently isn’t easy. Put simply, it won’t happen unless you make an intentional effort to make it happen. Check out our go-to date night guide for all the tips and date ideas you need.
Defensiveness: Defensiveness can be one of the biggest barriers to good communication and productively dealing with conflict. It often kicks off a cycle that can be hard to break – if one of you reacts defensively, the other is likely to follow suit. Here are five keys to breaking that cycle.
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Empathy: Seeing things from your partner’s frame of reference increases your connection and does wonders for the way you communicate and resolve conflict, ultimately transforming your marriage. Find out how.
Expectations: Unmet expectations are one of the most common causes of conflict in marriage. When you understand this, you begin to see that you actually have control over your expectations – and adjusting or communicating them better can have a really positive effect on your relationship. You can read all about that in this post.
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Family: Family can have a significant influence on your marriage, whether it’s what you observed about marriage in your family of origin or dealing with complicated present-day family dynamics. Understanding this influence, learning to navigate these relationships, and setting healthy boundaries will benefit your marriage and family greatly.
Forgiveness: As imperfect humans, we make mistakes. We hurt our partner, even if it’s the last thing we set out to do. That’s why forgiveness is a crucial part of a lifelong marriage. It opens you up to the possibility of peace and growth, instead of letting your relationship become brittle and bogged down by the anger and resentment of those past wounds. Read more about recognizing, seeking/granting, and self-forgiveness. Then explore why forgiveness is not always so cut and dry here.
Friendship: Research shows that couples who share a deep friendship are often happier in their relationship. It makes sense – with friendship comes mutual respect, care and affection for each other. It helps you stay emotionally connected to each other and committed to your relationship. Next week some suggestions on how to nurture friendship with your spouse.
