How to Strike Gold in Your Marriage

Though you lie down among the sheepfolds, you will be like the wings of a dove covered with silver, and her feathers with yellow gold. Psalm 68:13

Here is a note for today. We borrow a story once again from Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.

At one time Andrew Carnegie was the wealthiest man in America. He came to America from his native Scotland when he was a small boy, did a variety of odd jobs, and eventually ended up as the largest steel manufacturer in the United States. At one time he had forty-three millionaires working for him. In those days a millionaire was a rare person. Conservatively speaking, a million dollars in his day would be equivalent to at least twenty million dollars today. A reporter asked Carnegie how he had hired forty-three millionaires. Carnegie responded that those men had not been millionaires when they started working for him but had become millionaires as a result. The reporter’s next question was, “How did you develop these men to become so valuable to you that you have paid them this much money?” Carnegie replied that men are developed the same way gold is mined. When gold is mined, several tons of dirt must be moved to get an ounce of gold. But one doesn’t go into the mine looking for dirt – one goes in looking for the gold.

“Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold.” –Leo Tolstoy

That’s exactly the way spouses develop a positive and healthy relationship. It’s unhealthy couples that only see the dirt – the flaws, warts, and blemishes. If you want a great relationship, look for the gold in each other, the good, not the bad.

Like everything else, the more good qualities we look for in each other, the more good qualities you are going to find. In fact, why don’t you take this opportunity to name one specific quality you see in your spouse right now. Some of you have seen the movie THE VOW. It’s based on a true story of Kim and Krickitt Carpenter. Toward the end of the film the girl who played Kim confronts her mother about an affair her dad had with one of her best friends. The most poignant and important lines in the film came from her mom when her daughter asked why she hadn’t left her dad. She said something to the effect, I measured all the good things against the one bad thing your dad had done and decided that the good outweighed the bad. Reflect and Respond What good quality do you prize in your spouse today and why? Have you told your mate today, “I love you because_____________?” Making Happy Making Happy explores the science, the art, and the practice of happiness in marriage. Drawing from real-life examples, this book offers insights into how your brain and relationship affect each other as you make happiness in your marriage a conscious, delightful habit.