How to Thrive after the New wears off…

I left you last week in the uncomfortable position of what to do when the new wears off in marriage. All too often the decision is to quit and start over or just stay together and make each other miserable.

Fortunately there are other options. Wise couples take deep breaths and a step back to consider and implement three other options:

I. What if?

  • It’s not about him or her, but about ME
  • The home I grew up in didn’t give me a good model of what a successful home and family was supposed to look like
  • I need to change some things about me to BE a good marriage partner, rather than looking for a good marriage partner
  • What do I need to learn to do better

II. Once you come to these conclusions, you will be ready to start the transformation process to becoming a lifelong successful marriage partner.

  • It means learning how communicate and resolve conflict so you can each be heard, understood and cared about
  • It means learning how to speak in the first person…’I feel, I think, I need’  and how to avoid the superlatives…’you always, you never’
  • It means learning how to have a servant’s heart toward your mate
  • It means when your partner is out of sorts, you view it a gift giving you a clear look into his/her soul with an opportunity to make the frustrations go away
  • It means learning how listen to understand rather than to respond
  • It is a series of learned skills rather than something which happens naturally

III. If you get really good at doing the things successful couples do, there can come a time when you get to love your partner the way God loves you.

  • Take Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages Quiz and figure out how to deliver what is desired.
  • Learn to love your spouse the way he/she wants to be loved and not just the way you would choose to do it.
  • We call this the Burger King approach to marriage…You can have it your way, and right away


Ben Folds sings “The Luckiest”

And in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know that I am
I am, I am the luckiest

I love you more than I have
Ever found a way to say to you

Next door, there’s an old man who lived to his 90’s
And one day, passed away in his sleep
And his wife, she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I’m sorry, I know that’s a strange way
To tell you that I know we belong
That I know that I am
I am, I am the luckiest

You, too, can do this.