Funny thing about ‘normal’ and ‘natural’…it never delivers what it advertises. We all start out as little children wanting what we want when we want it. Early on, when you didn’t get what you wanted you threw what my Mom always called a ‘hissy fit’.
So whatever you felt determined how you acted. I remember a little redheaded girl (who by now must be in her late 60s by now) when she wasn’t getting what she wanted, held her breath until she wet her pants and passed out.
The natural way is to have some feelings and ultimately act on how you feel. Everybody does it. So the left hand wheel starts with feelings and winds up determining how you feel.
The sad truth about natural and normal is that it never works. For example, have you ever been in love with somebody you are not in love today? Virtually everybody nods affirmately…then the follow on question is this: ‘Were your feelings lying to you then or now?”
Feelings…dating back to the temptation of Eve in the Garden of Eden…are the purview of Satan himself. A learned conclusion is that feelings are liars.
Even knowing this, it is so easy to drift toward this behavior model, even though it does not work.
Well, what does work? Turn you attention to the right hand circle. The first thing you notice is it changes direction and by assumption the starting point as well. Of your 4 options to start, there is only one of them you can control. If you guessed BEHAVIOR, you are correct. You can choose to act contrary to your feelings by making that choice.
Here’s the secret…find out what ‘righteous’ behaviors look like and then do them often and do them well, regardless of how you may feel about doing so. If you follow this unnatural and abnormal model, in time, you will find it to be very functional and rewarding.
Said another way, find out what blesses your partner and do it often and do it well. Perhaps discovering each other’s Love Languages and acting upon them.
A CAVEAT: When the heat gets high in your relationship, no matter what you have resolved to do differently, you will be tempted to fall back into the left hand circle and react based on your feelings. Just remember, you will never get where you want to be. NEVER.
The left circle is like that old pair of comfortable house shoes which are easy on your feet…and under stress it is easy to fall back on the known.
Consciously adopting to stay in right hand circle will produce lasting joy and peace. Don’t take my word for it, try it yourselves. Read the tag line under the graphic again. If you want to feel what LOVE feels, you have to DO what LOVE does. Sic ’em.
