Sex in Marriage

The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 5:1

The following statements may surprise you, so brace yourself for a sexual reality check:

  • It’s up to you to design your own sexually satisfying relationship…really.
  • You should not expect your sex life to change or improve without new skills and new information.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

This may come as a challenge, but it’s up to YOU to find new and innovative ways to create a sensual verbal and nonverbal language with your wife or husband that will inspire your own arousal, and then to find new sexual techniques that will help you create a satisfying sexual relationship.

The skills for knowing your body and you own sexual needs are up to you, but asking for your partner to give you pleasure requires overcoming your own inhibitions so you can receive and give pleasure.

If your marriage is important to you, then you must continually examine your sexual wants, needs, abilities and appetites with your wife or husband. Married sex is important. If you and your mate are experiencing sexual incompatibility, you cannot ignore the issue and hope your sexual problems will just ‘go away’ and not impact your marriage. To do so is a guaranteed recipe for dissatisfaction and potential disaster.

Failure to address sexual issues straight on opens the door for all kinds of aberrant behavior that is detrimental to marriage continuation and health.

Compensatory behaviors may include:

  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Weight gain, overeating
  • Internet pornography
  • Print pornography
  • Strip joint frequency
  • Affairs
  • Phone sex
  • Workaholism
  • Sexting
  • Office flirtations
  • Online flirtations
  • Incest
  • Rape
  • Divorce

Check out these principles:

  • Sex has two purposes…procreation and recreation.
  • Billy Crystal was right…women need a reason, men just need a place
  • Courting each other is always a good idea and men should take the lead, but not all the time.
  • Ashley Montigue was right…change is the only true aphrodisiac. Therefore, unless you keep sex with your partner new and fresh all the time, exploring creative new things to do (caveated only by mutual consent) it will grow stale and tired.
  • Cleanliness is next to Godliness, at least most of the time.
  • Get a copy of Esther Perel’s book Mating in Captivity.
  • Whenever possible when there is not a compelling reason not to, say YES to sex with your partner. Give it as a gift…a random act of kindness…even if you are not in the mood. It’s a small gift with great collateral relationship benefits.
  • When you do say NO, do so gently and lovingly i.e. “Honey, I’m exhausted tonight, would you just hold me and let me sleep? How about setting the alarm an hour earlier in the morning.”

A woman really wants three things from her man if he really wants to keep her love hormone oxytocin levels up. (Click here for more info on oxytocin…it is important).

  1. Romance
  2. Communication
  3. “I never get any help around the house!”

If you start at #3, you won’t make many points. Do these three things in order and watch what happens.


We have an entire chapter on Sex in Marriage in our upcoming book 24k Gold Weddings and Styrofoam Marriages. Email and we’ll send you a preview chapter.

Remember when you looked at each like that?