I left you last week with the proposition that how you were raised colors your choice of mate. Here’s how. In some more anecdotal rather than science observations, over an over again we have seen how couples tend to draw into relationship the best and worst characteristics of the people who raised them.
Now here is the rub. Guess which characteristics have the most influence? If you guessed the worst characteristics, you’d be right. The weight of worst to best characteristics is a robust 20:1.
Follow me here. This suggests we each choose the person least capable of helping us heal our wounds of childhood. It helps explain why when the new wears off the negatives begin to appear and on their own, they just get worse. Is it any wonder nearly half of all relationships and marriages end in divorce?
Is there any good news in here?
Yes. Each of you holds the key to healing the other’s childhood wounds, but it does require intentionality. It does not happen just because you have the 5 “goods” in your relationship. As you will see in subsequent weeks, learning how to get past the WIIFM (what’s in it for me) syndrome and learning how to develop a servant’s heart toward one another is the key.
If you do not learn how to do this…and it is a process which takes time…you will likely choose NEXT as your favorite 4-letter word and conclude you just made a mistake. If you can just find the right 5 “goods” next time you’re sure to get it right. Wrong on all counts.
Learning how to get relationships right is a learned skill and it not being taught ANYWHERE as a matter of course in our society.
So, take my word for it. Start with the “goods,” but don’t stop there. See you next week and we will start unpacking HOW TO GET IT RIGHT.