Remember when you first met your husband or wife and fell in love, (there is that word FELL again…something associated with getting hurt…IMHO) you thought about them day and night. You couldn’t wait to be together; you hung on every word they spoke. You could sit up til all hours on the phone and then get up and go to work. You could not wait to get back together. You could not get enough of each other.
The relationship was stimulating and exciting because you engaged each other’s minds, excited each other’s emotions, and ignited each other’s imagination on a wide range of life’s topics.
However, many marriages don’t survive because they die of boredom. One partner gets involved in an affair, or the other becomes addicted to porn or some other deviant behavior because they’re bored in the relationship. That’s not an excuse for wrongdoing, but boredom functions like low-grade poison; it takes an unavoidable toll on each of you.
The secret to a good marriage lies in finding ways to keep improving yourself, then bringing that to the table of your relationship. Learn something new about your husband’s career field. Care about the details of your wife’s day. Have a shared dream you’re working toward and talk about it. When you’re engaged in another person’s life, you fortify their desire to share more about their day and themselves. It’s all about developing a Servant’s Heart toward each other.
And here is something else to keep in mind: It’s important for you to have a life outside of the person you’re interested in. Real intimacy involves doing some things together and some things alone. Partners who want to grow together realize they must encourage each other to nurture friendships, hobbies, and interests independently. Exciting people excite each other! They understand how to develop their own lives without disregarding the shared life they have together. That’s what the Bible means when it says, “Always be enraptured with her [or his] love.” Proverbs 5:19
Learn to stay connected on purpose. Get over What’s In It for Me and start How Can I Serve You Best?
