Every couple, every where, all the time…here’s a news flash for you. The sappy romantic stage of relationships ALWAYS wears off.
We call this the Power Struggle Stage. This is where the NEW begins to wear off. Some of the polish I FELL in love with starts to tarnish. Manners get sloppy. Many of the graces which first attracted me fade away. Did I tell you this already??? THE NEW ALWAYS WEARS OFF.
In the back of my mind, I begin to think…”Your job is to know what I want…need. You should be able to read my mind and meet my fantasy without having to be asked.” My expectations are not being met. Why not? What’s wrong with you? It’s just not fun any longer.
The battle is on, who is going to meet who’s needs first. Sex becomes a reward and a punishment.
As unrealistic expectations ossify, they harden…(they become premeditated resentments)
Pain in this stage often leads to separation, divorce, affairs, pornography, etc. I am not in love now, so I can go addictively out and FALL in LOVE again.
You FELL in love and now you are FALLING out of love
There is an infinite number of people I can FALL in LOVE with. (Margaret Mead, cultural anthropologist says as many as 1400 different people you meet could be The ONE.
Many, after a short time, rebound and start over. You say, “This was NOT Mr. or Ms. RIGHT, just Mr. or Ms. RIGHT NOW
Your favorite four letter word becomes…NEXT!
Interlude — Just Take a Step Back Here
Every Relationship goes through Stage 1 and Stage 2…no exceptions. (go back to last week’s NUGGET for Stage 1 review)
Some people insist on going through them not only sequentially, but repetitively.
If I can just FIND the right person Next Time it will be perfect.
This culture keeps on telling this lie and all too many people believe it. You are bombarded by books, movies, TV shows, the culture…all saying if you are not happy, just move on.
The sad truth is moving on leaves carnage in your wake which has multigenerational impacts. This is the God’s-honest-truth. If you do not learn how to navigate past this stage, all you will do is put a new face, a new voice, and a new body on the same old problems once you start over.
GOOD News! There is a way past Stage 2 and it is open to YOU. It takes deliberation on your part. More on how to do that next time.
