Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces;
marriage is also three meals a day,sharing the workload and remembering to carry out the trash.
– Dr. Joyce Brothers
A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
Nearly everybody remembers Carroll O’Conner’s classic role as Archie Bunker. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O17sodMy1Sg&feature=related
Poor Edith did it all and Archie sat around…just being Archie.
Oh, there were moments of clarity when he was actually helpful to Edith, but mostly it was Archie being the personification of the quintessential redneck chauvinist…just sitting around rebuilding his testosterone. (Nothing wrong with that, but…)
In the 2lst Century it seems appropriate for people in relationship to have specific discussions about the tasks that go into creating and maintaining a place to live, cars to drive, food to eat, clothes to clean and thousands of things.
The notion that there is such thing as “man’s work” (big stuff) and “woman’s work” (all the little stuff) is rapidly fading into the background as more and more couples catch the notion that when somebody works, everybody works.
This isn’t about negating the need for a man to rebuild his testosterone and release his oxytocin by vegging out on the couch longer than a woman needs to. It’s about recognizing the need for equalitarian work at providing a life, not just providing a living.
With more two-income families these days, the rigors of maintaining living quarters and parenting children should be shared between the people who enjoy the benefits of doing so.
Just for fun, tell me which of the following are men’s work and which are women’s work in a committed relationship. Put an “M” next to men’s work and a “W” by women’s work:
Grocery shopping
Decorating the house
Carrying out the garbage
Setting the table
Preparing meals
Washing dishes
Emptying the dishwasher
Mowing the grass
Edging – Weed eating
Tending flowerbeds
Painting the house (inside/out)
Setting the table
Planning meals
Washing clothes
Folding clothes and putting them away
Taking clothes to the cleaners
Transporting children to school
Coaching kids’ sport teams
Planning vacations
Dusting
Repairing appliances
Mopping floors
Running the vacuum
Straightening up the house
Making the bed
Changing sheets
Cooking on the outdoor grill
Watering the house plants
Changing light bulbs
Planting flowers
Attending parent/teacher meetings
Cleaning toilets and bathrooms
Washing windows
Cleaning cook top
Buying gifts for special occasions
Wrapping packages
Decorating for Christmas and other holidays
Seeing that the kids are in church
Buying clothes for the family
Cleaning out the garage
Repairing furniture
Keeping computers running correctly
_________________ (other)
Now don’t look at the answers below until you count up the number of Ws and Ms you wrote.
The sad fact is that you should not have put letters on any of these. They are neither men’s nor women’s work, just work that needs to be done to maintain an orderly home.
We really like the notion that when somebody works, everybody works and when somebody plays, everybody plays.
A couple of principles which make life better for everybody are:
1. Negotiate who does what in advance and have a set of rules of engagement on when and where and how things get done.
2. Be prepared to give each other gifts of your time and effort when your tasks are done and your partner has work to do and you are available.
The end of the principle remains…
§ somebody works, everybody works
§ somebody plays, everybody plays
As a CODA to this song, how about looking for ways to give GIFTS of Random Acts of Kindness to your partner around the house.
For the purposes here, let’s define these GIFTS like this one more time:
§ Things you can do
§ That you would not ordinarily do
§ That you choose to do
Find things that offer you a chance to give your mate a gift and DO it. (And, it’s ok to have your mate alerted when these gifts are given. Rich rewards in store.)
So, get with the program.
