Who Are You…and What Have You Done with the Girl/Guy I Married? –

Stage 1 of Relationships – Romance

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change,

and she does.

Do you remember what it was like when you first fell in love?  (By the way, isn’t that a funny word…fell?)  When I think about falling I think about getting hurt.  I fall off my bike.  I fall off a ladder.  I fall down the steps.  I fall into a well.  This is when the child in me is the most active.

My mental image of perfection triggers the Falling-in-Love (sigh) syndrome.  My fantasy is fulfilled.  I am hoping that my Special-Angel Image will be perpetuated in this relationship. He/she looks good, smells good, feels good, sounds good, and tastes good. This must be IT.

you remember the sweaty palms, the intense desire to talk to each other all day and all night, texting throughout the day, not being able to wait until you can see each other again, having clean underwear in case you go to the hospital (like your Momma said), teeth brushed and mouth washed, clean shaven, fresh deodorant, being extra polite, doing your best to please, the cute little notes, cards, flowers unexpectedly, subordinating your desires to your partner…and all that other stuff of the courtship dance?

The unspoken notion is that if I just FIND the right person in my life, I will be fulfilled.

Quick…what is the problem with all this?  Answer first and then scroll down the page…don’t cheat…

Almost all of those are LIES.  You tend to put your best face and behavior on while you are trying to catch the apple of our eye. 

The neatnik who was always careful to be well groomed and tidy in his/her living space may suddenly become a slob after being caught.

Here’s the Aha!  When you are on your best behavior during the courtship dance, AND decide to get married during this stage of development, you will almost always wake up married to somebody you don’t even know.

Any of that resonate with any of you?  The romantic phase of relationship building is necessary, but it ain’t reality.  All relationships go through this phase, but there is more to come to get to a healthy lasting relationship.

That’s the bad news, but there is some good news ahead.  Even if you got or get married to your partner during this period of your relationship, all is not lost.  There is a way out.  There is lots more to navigate and you don’t have to learn it all the hard way. Stay tuned.